A Little Better Everyday

It only takes one moment, one second, of your day to make it better. Sometimes life feels like an overwhelming mix of to-dos and emotions. We forget that we essentially are in control. We go through life thinking that everything has to be done now, or how we feel about something is the only way we can feel. This is simply not true. You have the power to change your perspective. You have the control to decide what is allowed in your life and your mind.

If your feeling down, find the things that make you smile and do it! If your feeling sick, find what helps and do it! If your feeling tired, do what is best for you and find your rest! No matter what it is, no matter if its weird or crazy or unconventional, do it! Never close yourself off from finding the things that bring you happiness or peace or health due to anyone or anything! You matter! Your thoughts matter! Your health matters! Your peace matters!

Words are important, so say it with me…YOU MATTER!!

Do whatever you need to prove that to yourself today!

Gut Health Is Important!

I know. It’s been a good bit since my last post. These last couple of weeks have been more fun than you could possibly imagine!

Did my sarcasm come across okay? I really hope so.

Even though I’m still not 100% I really wanted to be able to update y’all as to why the sudden drop off.

A few weeks ago I started to get extremely bad pains in my stomach whenever I would try to go the bathroom. Now unfortunately my family has a history of gut problems, all of which I will spare you the details of, but simply put, going every 4 to 5 days is kind of normal for me. I know, thats horrible! I should probably see a doctor right! Wellll yeah, I have many many times. This particular case it had been 9 days. Y’all….9 freaking days!! Like Holy Hell! I was dieing! I tried everything from only eating fiber meals, drinking Miralax every day, taking softeners and NOTHING WORKED!! My stomach was to the point that it felt like my intestines were literally tied in knots and someone stabbing those knots with a sharp knife.

Now on the 9th day my stomach had gotten so bad that I just couldn’t anymore, I had my husband run me to the emergency room and we sat there for 5 hours while they did test and everything. The doctor came back and said, “here, just drink this magnesium citrate and you’ll be fine.” I really wish I could put an eye roll right now…

Of course I listened though, I was down for anything at this point! I drank the whole bottle and nothing happened till about the day after. Is it weird to get super excited about going to the bathroom? Like I was so excited, but of course things couldn’t be that easy… I was able to go but the abdominal pain I felt while going was excruciating!! This went on for another two days guys! I was able to get something out but my stomach wouldn’t stop hurting! Finally, on Thursday, I had my husband leave work to take me back up to the emergency room, this time the big one up in North Little Rock! 7 hours later! Yeah, 7 hours of sitting there hurting, bawling, and throwing up every pain medicine they tried to give me they sent me home again. Still not sure what was causing the pain and still no one to stop it. Now, they did run more test, checked my kidneys, and my appendix, which they found blood in my urine so that was wonderful but they checked pretty much my entire insides and still couldn’t pin point what was causing the actual pain. They thought kidney stones but the MRI they did didn’t show any, thankfully!

I can’t explain the amount of anger, sadness, and exhausting I felt though. I was done. Physically and Mentally. I hadn’t left my house, let alone my room for over a week. I couldn’t…it was either my bed or the bathroom and mentally I think it took more than it should have out of me. Physically I couldn’t do anything, all I wanted to do was sleep but of course with work and a home I couldn’t so it was a never ending battle.

I followed up with my primary doctor Friday, last week, and the appointment started just like the rest, me bawling. If anyone knows me, I hate crying. Crying when I’m trying to explain how I feel is awful and I get so mad that I can’t stop crying so it’s just an endless cycle. Anyway, I explained everything to him and gave him all the paperwork from each of the ERs. He called the last doctor I went to and they sat down and went through all my test, my MRI, my blood work, my ultrasounds, all of it! I was there for 2 and half hours. Woooo. Finally he came back in and gave me the news. My stomach muscles were shot.

He said he couldn’t say with absolute certainly but when my stomach was full of crap for those 9 days my intestines got swollen and inflamed. Well yeah makes sense, but he went on to say that since it was like that for so long with me pushing hard everytime I did go the bathroom the muscles around those areas were swollen and inflamed too. Pretty much, I was trying to push a baseball through a pipeline and all the muscles trying to do that work were shot and couldn’t do it anymore. Like straining any muscle in your body, if you dont give it rest it can’t get better. With mine though, I had drank two bottles of that magnesium citrate so yeah I had been using those muscles when I didn’t need to be.

Thank God for Dr. Roberds though! I love doctors that actually listen to you and actually work to help figure things out WITH you, not just for you but WITH you. He was able to give me a shot in my stomach to help the muscles relax and prescribed some medicine that was to help me get in front of this and keep the pain at bay.

Now everything isn’t 100% okay, but Dear Lord do I feel sooo much better! I still have some pains but it’s getting better everyday. I definitely never want to go through this again but I feel like I should say, if you have gut problems, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR! Don’t wait. Don’t let yourself get to the point where your sitting in pain for weeks on end. Talk to them and figure out the best method for you to help your system run better. It may be as simple as eating a fiber bar once a day, it may be like me and you have to now take two pills a day, drink miralax everyday, and take a probiotic.

Don’t get to my point.

Talk to your doctor, cause I promise your gut health is so so important for how your body runs. How it handles food and gets rid of it. How it effects your physical state and your mental. How is helps you to really be able to do anything. Your gut is more than just where you put food. It’s where your body makes fuel and gives it, so please take care of your fuel system. Take care of yourself!

My Hope For You

My hope for you is this….

I hope you wake up with the most energy you’ve had in years!

I hope your body feels amazing and any pain you feel vanishes!

I hope you look into the mirror and smile when you see yourself in the mornings!

I hope you yell how amazing and beautiful you are to yourself! Cause you are and words are important!

I hope you take a moment for yourself today and just reflect on everything you have overcome and everything you have been blessed with!

I hope your mind finds peace and you breath knowing you are okay! You deserve to breath!

I hope the stress you have melts away with every passing moment!

I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are loved and needed for this world to grow! Never believe anything less!

I hope you know you are not alone! I am here for you.

My hope for you is to simply be happy, and to find happiness in every moment you need!

Depression with ADHD – So Tired

I honestly don’t even know where to begin on this… I don’t know if I should just talk about having the two or talk about how having the two effects me, and others like me.

Depression is tiring…I really can’t think of a better word than that. It’s the constant feeling of being behind and not good enough. It’s constantly overthinking every single moment in your life and then regretting that you were overthinking something instead of just being in the moment. Its always having to be aware of yourself and making sure you push emotions down cause if your out in public and have a random thought and Start crying people look at you weird. Depression is tiring. I’m so tired.

Ontop of that ADHD makes it feel like you have to keep going. It makes you feel that everything has to be done right then and there. It’s pre-planning every moment of an event or anything to feel like you have control. ADHD is being tired but having to put your tiredness at the bottom of your to-do list just to get through the day.

Having both though… Is hell. Having both is constantly needing to do something but being so wrapped in your own head you can’t get anything done. Having both is going from balling your eyes for an hour or more to jumping up and back to making list of everything you gotta get done today, even though you know you won’t get to it.

Having depression with ADHD is having this voice in your head that tells you everything you got to get done then another that yells the absolute worst words to you so you feel like shit for even being alive so you don’t get anything done. Which turns around and makes you feel worse for not getting anything done.

I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. I know that tomorrow is a new day and everything will be okay. I know that I am okay.

I am just so tired.