I honestly don’t even know where to begin on this… I don’t know if I should just talk about having the two or talk about how having the two effects me, and others like me.
Depression is tiring…I really can’t think of a better word than that. It’s the constant feeling of being behind and not good enough. It’s constantly overthinking every single moment in your life and then regretting that you were overthinking something instead of just being in the moment. Its always having to be aware of yourself and making sure you push emotions down cause if your out in public and have a random thought and Start crying people look at you weird. Depression is tiring. I’m so tired.
Ontop of that ADHD makes it feel like you have to keep going. It makes you feel that everything has to be done right then and there. It’s pre-planning every moment of an event or anything to feel like you have control. ADHD is being tired but having to put your tiredness at the bottom of your to-do list just to get through the day.
Having both though… Is hell. Having both is constantly needing to do something but being so wrapped in your own head you can’t get anything done. Having both is going from balling your eyes for an hour or more to jumping up and back to making list of everything you gotta get done today, even though you know you won’t get to it.
Having depression with ADHD is having this voice in your head that tells you everything you got to get done then another that yells the absolute worst words to you so you feel like shit for even being alive so you don’t get anything done. Which turns around and makes you feel worse for not getting anything done.
I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. I know that tomorrow is a new day and everything will be okay. I know that I am okay.
I am just so tired.