Accepting yourself. Accepting others. Accepting our world. Its hard sometimes. Unfortunately acceptance is not something that comes naturally to many of us. It’s not something we just do, or that we are. A lot of times it’s something we really work hard at. To be able to accept the commodities around us. To Accept the people around us. To accept ourselves for who we are.
I honestly couldn’t say which is harder.
At what point in our existence did we as humans start to not accept anymore? To turn to a way where all we do is judge another or complain for what we have. Where we put so much expectation on ourselves to be a certian way or live a certian life, all for what? To keep up with this materialistic world we live in? To make sure no one sees our weaknesses or has negative comments to say? To fake a smile at a stranger cause we wish they would give us the same?
Why though? Why is it so hard for us to coexist on this place we call home? To live together on this Earth in total peace.
Why is something that is so easy to do so hard for us? Acceptance is as easy as saying, “okay”. Nothing more, nothing less. Just okay.
If for one day our World could look at its neighbor and say, “I see you are different than I, but that’s okay, we are all one being living on this Earth. We all share one world. We are all together forever.”
If for one day we could all look into the mirror and just smile, because we know that who we are is needed for this World! Who we are was perfectly made for this time now! Who we are at this moment is just the beginning of who we can become!
If for one day we all just accepted.
Acceptance is hard!
The choice to choose not to accept though, is harder, but it is just a choice!
Your choice, to say “okay” or not.
Life can be hard, but Accepting doesn’t have to be!
What do you do to push yourself to get motivated? To push the others around you to get motivated? Does it just come naturally or are there steps to take? Can one find motivation even when the act they are doing is no where near what they thought or wanted?
The answer to each of those all depends on the person. It depends on the dedication your willing to put in to get the results you want. It depends on what your goal is and how much you really want it.
We’ve all had those moments where you’re so ready to go somewhere or do something, that others might not be excited about, and you’re just ready! Like pumped up ready! You remember that feeling? You remember wanting something so bad you didn’t care what it took? That’s motivation.
The literal definition of motivation is, “the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.”
The desire or willingness to do something!
Is what you desire worth the dedication it takes to stay motivated for it? Are you willing to put in what’s needed to get what you want?
To say that each of us has motivation inside of us is true, but to say that we all use that motivation…well sometimes that’s a different story right?
So what can you do? What helps people stay motivated? What can you do to make sure you don’t loose what you desire?
1. Write down your goals! Write down what you actually want or desire to have. Review this regularly! You don’t have to constantly remember every goal you have, write them down so when you do come back to that list it will be there. It might just spark some motivation as soon as you see it again!
2. Use what makes you happy! Do you love listening to music? Pump that jam up then! Do you like to chew gum? Girl grab you some of that hubbu bubbu and get to it! Find the small things that make you happy and incorporate them into what you want, or need, so you can get more out of what your doing!
3. Reach out to others! I know, some people feel that if they reach out for help on something then it “doesn’t count” when they do it or finish it. This has to stop! We NEED each other in this world. We all need help at times, and to say you can do it all, all by yourself, is pure insanity. Reach out to a mentor when you need help in your career! Reach out to a couch if you want to work on physically feeling better! Reach out to a teacher if you want to learn something new! Reach out to a friend is you need encouragement! Reaching out doesn’t make you week, it makes it to where when you do get where your going you’ll have a tribe behind you that you know supports you!
4. Exercise! I can hear it now, “Boooooo, no work outs!” Sorry, not sorry though! Exercise is key to physically, emotionally, and mentally feeling better! Just 5 mins! Take 5 mins everyday and do a stretch, go for a jog, go knock out some crunches and abs! Be active! We can’t expect our goals to just come to us we have to chase them down, tackle them, and make them ours! Can you do all that if your not feeling good? If you barley get up and move everyday, how do you except to tackle that desire you have? Exercise just 5 mins a day, if you’re not use to it, and use that drive to push you in your other goals!
5. Reward yourself! No, I don’t mean go eat an entire tub of ice cream after every workout! No, I don’t mean go buy yourself everything in site because you were able to redo your budget and have extra money this month! No, I don’t mean go fly to the Bahamas cause you got an A+ on your test! I mean, if you just did a hard workout, go reward yourself with a nice hot bath and a piece of chocolate! A PIECE of dark chocolate is the best! If you were able to redo your budget and got some extra money, go have a nice lunch with a friend. If you just scored an A+ on that test, hell ya by the way, go celebrate with a nice relaxing night at home where you dont look at books or anything to do with that class! Or go have a nice night out with friends! It’s the little rewards that actually help push us for more!
So what are you going to do to get motivated? What tools will you use to keep yourself accountable for staying on track?
Write it all down! Whatever you think, or know that helps, write it down! Go back to it over and over and over again! Push yourself!
You can achieve everything you desire, you just go to GO FOR IT!
As children we are told to look up to our elders and use them as role models. To use the doctors, the firefighters, the people in power, and so many more as our guides for wisdom. Now, while it is true that we need these role models to help set the examples of the good we need in our world and our lives, we don’t realize we’ve had these role models all along. We’ve had guides to help us along on our journey.
When you can find good in someone or something you’ve seen then it becomes easier to spot. It’s easier to become good when you surround yourself with it, and it’s easier to be good when you have something to base the good off of.
So why not use the past as a way to help guide our future? Why not use the stories of our ancestors and all they went through as a guide of where you came from? Why not use the legends of heros to show us there is good in the world? Why not use the stories of the Gods to show us we will always have somewhere to turn?
What if you could turn to multiple role models as guides and mentor’s?
Do you seek wisdom for upcoming decision that needs to be made? Reach out to Athena, the goddess of Wisdom and War. She can help guide you in any upcoming battles you may face.
Do you seek love? Reach out to Freya, the Goddess of Love and Fertility. She can help you reconnect with your inner love and allow you to give and receive it.
Do you need courage and strength to get through your day? Reach out to Kratos, he is the embodiment of strength, and can help you find yours.
Do you seek balance in your life? Reach out to Hecate. She is what balance is. She controls the heavens, the earth, and the seas. She is both maiden, mother, and crown. She is who I reach for in times of need. She can help you find that balance you seek.
You see, there are so many from our past that we can use to help guide us.
When we seek guidance, we can usually find it. It’s up to you though to determine rather its good or bad and if you want to use it or have it in your life. Not all guidance that is given can be helpful, but if we turn it all away then you will never know where you could have gone.
“Be what you seek, and become what others seek.”
Use the past to guide you in all that you do! Seek out good, in yourself, and in others!
Be the Goddess or God that you need in that moment, in that time. Appreciate all that you have been through and overcome. Rejoice in all that is left to experience and gain in life. Then, truly accept that you can be all that you already are and more.
Use your past and the past of our ancestors to lay a way for your path in life.
Walk it with honor and pride, and when you get the chance, share your story with others. Let your stories be a guide for others needing, and those yet to come.
Talking to my family, and friends it feels like we all have so much going on. So much already scheduled out in our days, heck weeks really, that we go, go, go till we eventually burn ourselves out.
We get to a point where everything is just to much; we either lash out at others, shut down and block everyone out, or break down and feel completely worthless.
Sensory overload maybe?
A way of dealing with internal emotional baggage?
Maybe a complex of how you were raised?
Well I am here to tell you, this is noy okay Sis! These feelings, these burnouts. This sense that you have to continue on this neverending cycle of go, go, go, burn out, hurt someone or worse yourself, then do it all again.
That is not okay!
You need to refuel yourself. You need to stop and take in what is around you. Stop and breath new life into yourself. Make sure your internal flame is burning bright!
If your enternal flame gets deprived of oxygen to where its nothing but a burning ember trying to hold onto the heat, who does that help? How does you being run ragged helping anyone? How is you going till your completely burned out bringing any happiness or joy to you or those around you? Your flame deserves to always burn bright! To always bring light, warmth, and comfort to your life.
Every living person has that flame! Its our enternal being, our soul, our deeper consciousness. Some flames burn so bright you feel their radiation, you feel their warmth and are drawn to them. There are some that you connect too, you both fuel each other and y’all continue to help grow both your flames. Some flames help to fuel yours, they are the givers, they are always the ones that make you feel good after being with them. You may know a flame that just inflames yours, you can’t be around theirs or it doesn’t end good? Others you may feel off about. Some, theirs are barley holding on, their flames have been stolen of oxygen and are fighting to stay alive.
My point is, we all have one. We all work hard every day to keeps ours going, fueling it with whatever happiness and joy we can. Pushing ourselves to find more so we can continue to burn.
That inside burn you get deep in your stomach when you’re truly happy. When you come up with a new idea for a project or business. When you make a bomb dish for the holidays and everyone loves it! When you score the winning shot at the buzzer! When you propose to the love of your life, and they say yes!
This is what you should work for everyday. This is what you need to take a moment everyday and think about, focus on, and push to refuel, everyday! Without your flame burning, fueling you, how can you invite happiness, how can accept happiness?
How can you give happiness?
You need your to refuel yourself!
We sometimes forget, we are not built to constantly go. We are not meant to have every part of our days mapped out for us, and sometimes we need to just recharge. We need to refuel out flames.
You need to take a breath. Flames can’t grow without oxygen and if you push yourself to go, go, go then your going to start to loose your breath and essentially you’re stealing your own oxygen. Your own push to go constantly, and be and live, thats you putting yourself out.
I guess our society has painted us all a picture of how we should go about about our days, and then we get upset when we fall short of those expectations. Please know, that is not your life! That Hollywood style life you see in the movies, the magazines, all the online social media profiles, all this is not your life! Your life is your life! This is what you have built and you need to love it, own it, and respect it! Don’t let yourselves burn out being put out because you feel you’re not measuring up to everyone elses life! Take what you have and love it, work to make it better, and remember to breath while you do it!
We are living, breathing, flesh and blood humans who, at times, need to stop and take a breath. Take a break. And refuel our flames!
In starting this journey I honestly wasn’t really sure what all this site would unfold. I wasn’t sure what mindset I would be in each day so I could never really say what one thing I wanted to focus on. What one thing I wanted to come to you and encourage you on each day. What one thing I wanted to be standing ground to build upon.
In taking a few days to write out some of my thoughts to you all, I had one of those lightbulb moments go off late last night as I laid in bed.
Since about five years old all I’ve wanted to do was help others. Be there for others. Be a comfort and a support for any who needed. Now, I have realized one of my greatest strengths is listening.
They say the biggest help someone can give to another that is hurting is just being there and listening to them. Talk to them. Help them make sense of what’s going on, how they feel, and what they can do.
This is where you can email me any and all questions you have.
Moving and your nervous about what its going to be like? In a relationship that you’re worried isn’t going anywhere? Have a friend that is on a road that isn’t leading them anywhere good?
I am here.
Each week I will go through my emails, write back to you, and publish to my site.
ALL EMAILS SENT TO ME WILL BE COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS!!! I promise nothing you send will be tracked, sold, shared, or discussed with anyone or anything! Your name will be removed before uploading to the site and all HIPAA rules will apply!
I want you to know I am here to only help.
We all need someone to talk through things, and that’s what I am here for.
We can’t do this on our own. We need each other to grow and become better.
Your day begins with an fast paced wake up call, either by an alarm, kids, or my case three needy dogs. You roll out of bed, throw whatever you can piece together on. If you’re lucky, you can grab a piece of toast or a shake out the fridge and Then your off.
Does this sound like someone you know?
Or better, does this sound like you?
I know for a while it was me.
I was the Queen of waking up, throwing myself together and just going. I felt like I was always going. Like it was just a constant state of my being that I couldn’t control. I was burning myself out without even knowing it, and worse when I finally did notice I still didn’t have a clue what to do to help stop it! I felt like this was the normal part of being an adult though. Like constantly going was just what everyone was doing and I needed to just accept this was life, this was all apart of growing up and being an adult. You loose you time cause as an adult you’re supposed to focus more on work, or school, or family.
Yep, I said Bull Junky.
I’ll say it again!
Bull Junky on that!
It took me years to finally realized that that is not an acceptable way of living. Heck that’s barley living at all!! We all deserve a moment to stop! We all deserve a break to breath!
So I wanted to share five tips that has helped me to break out of the go, go, go state of anxiety, that circles us all, and focus on building myself up to help prepare me for a better day. Please, even if it’s only one, try to incorporate it into your life. Even with doing just one of these a day I promise it will help. Let the time you do this be your reminder everyday that your important too, your thoughts, feelings, dreams and desires all matter too!
Follow the fifteen min rule. If you don’t know what that is don’t feel bad, i just made it up, but it seriously is my favorite tip I can give.
Whatever time you wake up, rather that be at five in the morning or at seven or even at two in the afternoon, wake up fifteen min before. So your alarm is already set for 5:45, turn it to 5:30. Supposed to be up at 7? Set it for 6:45. 2 in the afternoon? Set that baby to 1:45. Make sense?
I know it sounds crazy but those fifteen minutes are a huge breather to start the day. Rather you use them to just lay and wake up, and i mean really wake up not just fall back asleep, or you get up and stretch, make coffee, or actually make some real foods for breakfast!
Sorry, half my blood stream is coffee so that’s my go to every day!
Use these fifteen min as you time. Relax and just sit and think. Sit and read a chapter of your favorite book or go stand outside and soak in the morning.
Which brings me to my next tip.
Take a step outside!
I’m not sure what all your schedule has, but nine times out of ten you will have a window your not doing anything for one minute. Literally one minute. Even if it’s just walk out take a breath and walk right back in. Take a step outside and breath in real fresh air.
I know this really isnt a tip, more commen sense, your supposed to eat. But you will be surprised at how many people don’t eat breakfast!
We all need energy and fuel and the best time to get it is in the mornings when your body needs it. I know, its hard to stop and make a meal if you have deadlines, and kids, and appointments to make but no one is saying make a five course meal! Grab you some peanut butter crackers, or those little muffins that come in a package, or heck even some trail mix! My favorite is a piece of toast with butter!! Mhmm, seriously there is nothing toast with butter can’t make better!
Everyone has their own belief’s and thoughts, and opinions on religion.
And I swear, I do not care by any means who you pray to or how you pray or even if you don’t believe in anything at. That is your choice as a human being and we all have free will! That’s a world thing not just am American thing.
Just pray though.
It doesn’t matter who you pray to but take that time and be in peace with the higher power you love.
I can not tell you how much this helps, even if you’re like me and sit and just talk about your struggles or worries you may have, essentially to yourself, do it. Talking it out really helps to get you on a good mindset for the day.
Go look in your mirror, smile, and say, “you are beautiful!”
Heck this one needs to be done like a hundred times a day if you can!
Smile at yourself. Give yourself a compliment. Speak kind words to yourself. Take a moment to show yourself true love.
You spend your days being nice to others and smiling at them so why not give yourself one. They say smiling at a stranger helps promote peace and radiates positivity so just imagine if just once a day you smiled at yourself. You gave yourself some peace and allow yourself to be filled with positivity. Just imagine.
I really do hope these help! You deserve love, you deserve peace and happiness. And you can get those things! Even if your entire day isn’t rainbows and lollipops you deserve a minute everyday to breath and break free from your struggles. Try one of these a day, try all five if you can, and give it a week. After that week see how you feel, see if you notice a difference in yourself and how you Perceive the world around you. See if you’ve found time to breath more or smile at yourself more.
For some, the worst part of growing up is the uncertainty that what you were taught as a child will not actually apply to your adult life. For most of us, what we were taught at home and our school is the fundamentals to how we go about our daily lives.
You were taught to not put aluminum foil in the microwave – and if you weren’t I am teaching you now, do not put it in there, unless your trying to buy a new microwave! – so you were probably taught that at home, by a parent or guardian or experience like myself.
My poor grandmother’s microwave.
Or you were told by some kid at school or by a teacher, and in that case you more in likey went home and attempted it before someone came and caught you.
Now though, that lesson has stuck with you. It is something that you won’t really forget and something, I hope anyways, you pass on to your kids or others that dont know.
You were probably also taught the Golden Rule, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
This was always huge in Sunday schools or first grade classrooms. Its supposed to be the biggest “rule” to follow as a human being. The most basic concept, “don’t do something to someone you wouldn’t want done to you.”
This rule, for myself at least, is kind of a alarm in my head. Everytime I have something come up, or things don’t go the way I want, or someone does something they shouldn’t have, this alarm goes off and is like. “Okay Mallory, now I know this sucks but would you want someone to act this way towards you, or say these things to you?” And of course not. No one wants to be talked to hateful or made to feel bad for things out of their control.
Now, I’d like to say if you are in a situation where you do have to hold your tongue or you don’t lash out when someone else is being hateful to you then that is not okay either. The people talking to you that way, or making you feel bad, isn’t following the rule so for some situations you shouldn’t either. You deserve every bit of respect as every other person on this planet and shouldn’t settle for holding back, you shouldn’t let someone treat you any less than the Goddess/God you are!
My point is though, these lessons or rules we were taught as kids stay with us. They shape us. From the way we socialize with others. The way we eat, drink, and exercise. The way we present ourselves at work, or at the ballfields, or even at church. Or simply, just the way we live our every days lives.
Here’s the kicker now, and wait for it, its a doozy.
You can learn more!
You can become more!
I know, crazy to think your not done growing!
All those lesson, those rules you learned, yes helped mold you into who you are as of right now but they were just the base! You may be just starting out on this journey called life or you may be Fifty plus years into it but it doesn’t matter, anyone can learn something new! Anyone can change the way they go about their lives. That’s the beauty of free will.
The only thing that stops you from doing anything is yourself! – instert fist pump into the air.
Someone, somewhere, just eye rolled.
I know, it’s a cliche saying.
I promise you though, that sentence is one hundred percent truth!
The only thing that stops you from doing anything is yourself!
I strongly believe we weren’t put on this Earth to just live, but to grow, to learn from each other and ourselves.
If you’re in a place where your nervous about something upcoming or your lost to what your next step should be in life that’s okay! We all get that way, we are all trying to figure this out. Some people seem like they have it all figured out, but I promise we all have daily struggles, daily obstacles that get in the way. One of my favorite quotes is by Tim Hiller, “Do not compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”
This is just the start, you have already learned so much without even knowing! You have already begun to shape your life without even thinking about it!
You have the ability to turn your life into absolutely anything you want it to be. So why not learn something new. Why not make a new “rule” for yourself to help set yourself up for success or to help make a new habit that aids you.
The possibilities are seriously endless.
Do what makes you happy.
Become someone that makes you smile.
And don’t be scarred for the future, embrace it. Embrace knowing you can make your life into anything you want if you’re willing to learn it.
To many times do I see an image, in my head, or out in nature, and think, “oh yeah this would be a really cool picture.” Or, “aw I love this moment with Everyone, I want to capture it.”
But its almost just as soon as I have these thoughts or I reach for my camera, that this inner voice creeps up behind and belittles me. It says, “why? Why would anyone want to see that photo? No one sees what you see, no one cares about photos, let alone one you took.” Or, “you know everyone here will look at you if you get your phone out now. This isnt the place.” Or, one that constantly goes through my head, “Time with loved ones isn’t supposed to be seen through a lens.”
When I say this voice comes every time I have these thoughts to take a photo, I mean nine times out of ten it somehow pushes its way to the front of my brain and now its all I can hear or think about.
So about five times out of ten I will listen to it. I will stop myself from setting something up to take a photo of it or I’ll stop myself from grabbing my phone, just so I don’t get “looks”.
Five times out of ten.
I know that’s doesn’t sound like a lot but that’s fifty percent of the time ladies! Fifty percent of the time I dont “capture the moments”. Fifty percent of the time I don’t “create something cool” to take a picture of it. Fifty percent of the time I second guess myself.
Fifty percent of the time I let myself down.
Does this sound familiar?
Does this voice sound like something you’ve heard before, or maybe a version of it?
Since about the 90s technology and specially phones have blown up. I went from this little black phone, no bigger than my 10 year old selfs hand; that had no camera, no games, no internet, and even with texting I still didn’t cause, well, one I was 10 and texting wasn’t “super cool” just yet, and two, I had no Friends. Okay so probably should have started with the no friends one as that’s probably why it wasnt “super cool” to me back then. But my point is, I grew up while all this was getting big, so of course our families were trying to teach us the values of having a phone. The responsibility it came with. The dangerous that people were now an internet click away and visa versa. The, “if you click that internet button one more time this month!” talks my mother always had with me. And how this was only supposed to be a better way to connect. A better way of staying in contact with each other. It wasn’t meant for fun, or social media scrolling. Mostly cause there wasn’t any media platforms, well besides Myspace, and lets admit it…we all let Tom down. But these phones, all this new technology was mostly for business people. it was meant for people who really needed to stay connected to their jobs, and their businesses. Now yes, after a couple years almost everyone had one and you used it to connect to family members better. So when phones started to come with cameras, when you could actually start taking photos with people right there; good golly Mrs. Dolly, everyone and their mothers started taking photos! I remember my Moms first camera phone, the old at&t silver flip phone. This thing was like magic, I would steal it to take photos of our new puppy, or wherever we went for vacation we would get photos. So this inturn became the new normal. From disposal cameras to these handy dandy pocket cameras!
Still though, with taking photos being a new norm for everyone, we were still taught, “you live in the moment.” How were you to actually know what’s going on, or how were you to truly enjoy a moment if you looked at it through a lens.
Maybe it was just my family, maybe it was honestly just me, but whatever the reason I have no made a habit of second guessing myself every time I wanted a photo of something or someone.
I second guessed my moments.
Ladies, do you hear that…
I second guessed my moments.
How much anxiety does that sentence give you?
I wouln’t wish that apon my worst enemy, to second guess their own moments, their own thoughts, and feelings.
Okay, so let me pause here and tell you, yes, I have social media. Yes, I take lots of photos. Yes, I still post about things I like, about family and friends and all that good jazz. But I am still working on myself, I constantly try to be a little better than the day before so I can do these things, or at least have the courage too. I can sit up in my house all day and take photos and make post but it’s going out in public, its being around others and wanting to take the photos out there that I struggle with. I second guess myself so much out in public already.
If you ever met me or have met me and I seem totally cool on the outside, just know I’m internally Contemplating what I say next, or freaking out cause I just made a weird face without thinking and someone saw.
Now I know times have changed, really weird for a twenty five year old to say, but I know everyone is on there phones more now than ever. I know so many people, photographers, businesses, even kids use their phones for photos and videos and heck, even creating whole new businesses, but we all struggle with what people think at times. I struggle with my own internal self saying how no one would think my work was cool, or how family would think I was weird for always wanting to take photos of everything. And truth be told, yeah people probably do judge, my friends and family probably do have thoughts as to why I want photos but its not for them. My photos, my work I created isn’t for them! It’s taking something I have in my head and making it real. It’s making myself smile and feel good for doing something I wanted to do. Like this message to you. I tried to take a photo this morning of my relaxing spot, cause ya know it made me happy, and that’s when I heard the voice. So I stopped, then I thought, “why am I doing this to myself?” I am literally the only one here and I’m making my own self feel horrible for simply taking a photo of what made me smile? So in the midst of my morning routine I stopped to write this message cause it was in my head and I felt like it needed to come out. It helps make me feel better to express these thoughts. I dont know, maybe it’ll help you too? Maybe it’ll help encourage you that it doesnt matter for anyone but you what you allow yourself to do, to feel, to think and express. Maybe this will help spark a fire to go express yourself in any way that makes you smile. Maybe you send this to a friend cause thats your way of expressing and helping others. I don’t know, maybe you don’t do anything.
And really, that is perfectly okay too.
I wrote this to help myself, to give myself encouragement and to help fuel my spark. I wrote this to let the voice in my own head know, “I will no longer allow you to make me second guess myself.”
So here’s to the other fifty percent I will no longer miss to capture. The fifty percent I will no longer even acknowledge the others around so I can keep my smile while I sneak a shot of my husband’s crazy face.
If we all did fifty percent more of whatever scared us, or made us uncomfortable. Heck, if we even did ten percent more of that could you imagine the work we would see? The new photos, the new books, new architect, new fashion designs, new recipes, new diy crafts? If we all did just fifty, or even ten, percent more of whatever scared us, whatever that little voice is making you second guess, could you just imagine what we would see in the next five years? The next ten?
Our world needs growth to live, it needs new in order to maintain the old. Without new we become nothing but faint memories of the “what use to be”. We need that fifty percent to create something that our kids, our grandkids use to help shape their lives and world.
We are meant to help build up each other.
We need each other.
We need you. Your Fifty percent. Your ten percent. Our world need what makes you smile too.